Allana White : 2015

Cold November

Did I dream of rain?
I wake up to water filling me through
Cold, pressing, restless tangled messes of being
What brought this storm

I can’t find anything to blame
My heart swells and shuts, withering and waxing
Trapped between warm memories
And winded with cold, relentless loss

Why does everything look the same?
The world is still turning, spinning ever over itself
But my heart is lurching,
Screeching to a clashing halt

What haunts me is your pain
You left unknowing, unacquainted with my truth of you
Me with the cruel knowledge your light
Will never shine me through

Did you see the flame?
I lit it and burned it true in memory of you
Then it went out too
And left me in deeper in the dark

If only there were something left to reclaim
A fragment, refraining, lyrically looping around and around
“Anywhere you go, let me go too”
But you’ve gone where I cannot follow you

Then this feeling came
A warmth tugging, telling, straining at my center
A place there, a tag on my heart
This is where you are

Out of sleep, my heart is heavy
Ignorant for a few small seconds, but not blissfully so
As the feeling of loss pulls me back under
Did I dream of rain last night?
I feel a warmth tugging at my core

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